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Miles wonders about feet positions while Bob travels to the promised land of Indiana.
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Hey, hey, we’re the monkeys. Monkeys. Monkey around. Singing to put anybody down. Just want to be friendly. Friendly. Thank you very much. Miles, are you there? I’m here, yes. Oh, okay. I said this is Bob. Hey, everyone. Miles here. This will be my location. Sorry. Oh, okay. I thought we were going to have another incident where you got caught with your pants down. Again. Again. Again. Again. Okay. Y’all situated there, sir? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I never can figure out why are you in so much pain all the time? I am. I am. I’m in a lot of pain all the time. What’s going on with you? I mean, I have pain i have a lot of pain in my life okay you don’t want to elaborate i guess what you’re saying
I’ve been too tantric in my life. Okay. Okay. That’s all you need to know. Stretching. Maybe you need to do a little stretching before. There’s something cracked. Are you happy? Something just cracked. I hope you’re happy. I’m not happy. I just read an article or a headline. Some lady in Las Vegas went to the chiropractor and the guy punctured her aorta when he cracked her neck somehow and she was in the hospital. Yakers. Yeah, yeah. Have you had that happen? I have the most gentle chiropractor. He’s just so, so gentle. Okay. He’s very gentle. I know you go to the chiropractor. I would never, ever go to the chiropractor. I haven’t been in a long time. No, you haven’t? I thought you went fairly regularly. No, not anymore. Not since the incident.
Yeah, not since I got a $4,000 physical therapy bill. I’m like, you know what? I’m just going to deal with it like Bob. I’m just going to shut up. Hey, I’ll tell you my secret for pain remediation. Gummies. Drugs, yeah. No, drugs. No, I… Reduce your inflammation. So what you have to do is fast. So don’t eat for like 12, 16 hours and it reduces your inflammation. Yeah, no, I work with people that believe in this. I know, yes. But you don’t, I mean, I’m just telling you it works because I’ve had knee pain since I was in my 20s, like early 20s. Actually, one of my teens, but because I’ve totally… my knees when i was young. And I don’t have that constant knee pain when we were you and i were in college yeah i had constant knee pain constant it was like would drive me batty sitting in class. You were just trying to get a good grade. No, I had, it was pain i was i was like in pain. Constant pain.
All I remember is you having like horrible posture, man. You were like, well, I still have horrible posture, but now I don’t have any pain. So yeah, it’s, it’s dramatically reduced. I really have to hurt myself to have the kind of pain that I used to have almost daily. And I’m telling you, readjust your eating a little bit. You’ll be fine. Yeah, me readjusting eating and me are not going to. That’s not going to happen. Yeah, well, I’m just saying. It’s not going to happen. It’s worked for me, so I’m just passing that along. I’m not going to starve myself so my knee feels better. I’m not doing it. Okay. Well, I don’t feel like I’m starving. You can take you and your Ozempic and shove it up your ass. I don’t do Ozempic, no. I just don’t eat. I don’t eat for a while. Don’t eat. Yeah. I know you take the Louis Anderson approach to eating. Okay. This guy.
sends me nonstop pictures of him going out to eat these huge steak dinners. That’s all I eat then. I don’t eat three or four baked potatoes. What dessert? I’m like, Jesus, God, this guy is… I never have dessert. This guy’s got to have at least four pounds of red meat in his colon at any given time. My dog here is going crazy. That’s unusual. Oh. I had a steak this weekend. See? That I didn’t even send you a picture of because I’m like, I’ve overplayed my taking pictures of steak and sending it to Miles. Yeah. So I’m not doing it anymore. So I didn’t do it. He knows I’m on food stamps, so he just rubs it in my face. He’s like, here. He goes, here, this is what you can’t have. Yeah, you can’t have this.
You won’t ever have to. Exactly. I went to Indiana over the weekend. Did you get lost or did you mean to go there? No, I meant to go over there. I had a great steak dinner, by the way. Thank you. Here we go. I had a fantastic salad, a potato and a steak. I did not have any dessert. I didn’t eat you know, prior to that, I probably didn’t eat for what, 12, 16 hours, something like that. Yeah. Great. But so my wife, I was tagging along with my wife. She had to do some stuff and she had to work. And so it was like, I’m being like you, right? Where you go with your wife and she works and then you piss around. Right. Yes, I do do that. Yeah. That’s my whole life. I did. I pulled the miles this weekend. I went with my wife. We went and had a nice steak dinner and,
The next day, I pissed around while she had to work. You teased me a little bit. I did, yes, a little bit. But I want to tell you, I was in Terre Haute, Indiana, which I’m going to just call from now on God’s country. Wow. I’ve never been there before. I was close by. That’s not where… we were staying, but I wasn’t that far away. And my wife’s like, I’m, what are you going to do all day? Cause I have to go work. Yeah. Yeah. And I’m like, well, I’ll find something to do. You know, it’s gotta be something to do around here, but it wasn’t. And so I had to go all the way to Terre Haute. Oh, geez. So I, I’m like, well, I’ve never been to Terre Haute before. So,
why not? Right. You know, it’s got a name. It’s very French, you know, you know, yeah. Yeah. They did have a Larry bird museum that I did not go to, but, uh, yeah. Let me guess. Cause it costs money. You’re like, no, it costs a little money. So I was like, yeah, that’s gotta cost a lot of money. I’m like, I’m not that big of a Larry bird video game. That’s about it. Yeah. I go down to Terre Haute and I found this place called the Bank of Pinball. The Bank of Pinball. It’s not a very good name. Because I like to play pinball and I thought, well, let’s go check this out. And I stumbled upon probably one of the most genius ideas that
everyone should mimic, at least for me being a big, you know, nerdy pinball guy. So I get to the bank of pinball. Well, the bank of pinball is in like the mall. They have mall there. Yeah. Called the hot center. Okay. Tara Hote, Hote center. And yeah. And so like, this was a, still a functioning mall, which you don’t see many of those nowadays, but, No, never. Instead of… Obviously, all the stores aren’t there, but there was still some big stores. A lot of the mall stores. There were Spencer’s. Spencer Gifts, right? Mall stores. There was a jewelry store. There was a pretzel thing and a popcorn place and all that kind of stuff that you get at a mall. But they replaced a lot of the empty stores with
with fun stuff. So one of them was the bank of pinball, which had God, I don’t know how many pictures did I send you? Way too many. Yeah. I probably had, I don’t know, probably had 30 or 35, 35, 40 pinball machines. Easily. It had other games that had ax throwing. Oh, it had laser tag. Yeah. They had, you know, like a bar, and it’s all mixed in with a bar, you know, food and beverages. They had putt-putt mini-putt golf indoors. Yeah. Then, after I got done playing pinball, I played all these new pinball machines I’d never even seen before. They had a Jaws pinball, a Beatles pinball, a James Bond pinball, a John Wick pinball. Oh, wow. That’s great. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I played them all. And then I got a couple of high scores on Guns N’ Roses and Godfather Pinball. Did you really spell your name on that one? Yes. On two. I actually didn’t send you the other picture, but yeah. Oh, wow. I thought you just somehow Photoshopped this thing. No, no. This is all real. So I’m like, this is great. So I spent my money because I limit myself because I’m a cheap bastard.
And I had a little time, so I walked around the mall. And you won’t believe what else they had in this mall. P.F. Chang’s? No, no P.F. Chang’s. They did have a functioning food court. Oh, okay. They had a Chinese place, Mexican place, pizza. I didn’t eat there. But they had RC car racing indoors, like a big track where you go off-roading with the RC car inside the mall. Wow. Then you can buy a quad or a four by four. What place is this? Oh my God. It’s the, it’s the hot center in Terre Haute. Yeah. Haute center. No kidding. And they had a place where you could buy a compound bow and actually shoot it in the mall. You can shoot arrows in the mall. Hey kids. I’m like, if that isn’t,
nothing more dangerous than giving people broadhead arrows in a mall. I don’t know what is what do you have the razor blade tips? Yeah, exactly. Oh my God. This sounds a little dangerous. And it was, and then they had like, uh, I didn’t go into this place. You would love it because i know you like, you know, this kind of stuff, or at least your wife does maybe. Uh, they, one of the big box stores, like a dillard’s or macy’s or one of those things was gone. And it was full of flea market vendors. There’s like 700 booths or something. Oh, wow. In this old Macy’s. Oh, wow. Okay. They pretty much filled up the whole mall. There wasn’t a lot of empty spaces. And yeah, it was total genius. I’m like, these people need an award.
for this because they’ve taken what was dead space, right? And made it interesting. And there was, I mean, there was quite a few people that I was there early on a Saturday, so it wasn’t like it was packed or anything, but I could see where it would be packed. They had, you know, you could get, you could get a beer like, you know, pubs and stuff in there. And so, so yeah, I was like, this is, I can’t believe it. Nice. Now I want to go. Yeah, this is one of the best places that I’ve found, you know, like bumming around. That’s like south of Indy, right? Yeah, yeah. So it’s not too far off of Highway 70 on the way to Indianapolis, on the west side of Indianapolis. Oh, okay. Yeah. It’s really not that far across the Illinois border. Okay. Yeah.
And Indiana university there and some other stuff. I mean, it was a, it was a nice town and, and I was, I was really super impressed with their, uh, I know this is not a funny story or anything, but, uh, I couldn’t believe, I couldn’t believe the ingenuity and overall, you know, kind of, they, they hit their target market. You know what I’m saying? There’s no, the guys who want to go in and throw axes and drink beer. And shoot arrows and maybe look at a quad runner. This is like a man’s place. Well, they had other stuff too, but yeah, that’s all the stuff that kind of jumped out at me. They had a JCPenney. I don’t know what that means. Wow. Yeah. And I was like, man, talk about, you know, talk about saving the mall culture.
That’s on, no, just all the ones around here are all dead. Yeah, well, we were in Alton, right? That was dead, right? You and I met over there, I think. Yeah, we met somewhere, yeah. Yeah, Alton Square Mall. But anyway, yeah, I just was like, wow, talk about geniuses. These guys are geniuses. Wow, no kidding. So shout out to Tara Holt. Nothing too weird was going on other than this guy was shooting arrows and Which I thought, I mean, he literally could have just turned around and killed people. Yeah. The axe throwing was way more contained than any of the arrow shooting. So do they do some kind of testing? Like, could you take this test? Would you murder people if you had a chance? Yeah.
Is there any chance that you’ll kill anybody trying to get to Orange Julius? Yeah. That’s weird. Anybody just walk up there like, okay, I want to do it. The only thing they didn’t have was a shop that sold guns. Maybe I just didn’t see it. I don’t know. Weird. That’s weird. But I would recommend if you’re a Midwestern geek that likes playing pinball and skeeball and all kinds of stupid things like that, to go to the Hot Center in Terre Haute. No, they just put like a strip club in there. God. I’m surprised there wasn’t, to be honest with you. It’d be perfect. You know, like, man, maybe there was one and it just is open at night only. I don’t know. So laser tag, laser tag. Yeah. I have played laser tag once or twice. Yes. Yeah. I played it quite a bit. Actually, when the kids were younger, we would go, but yeah. Yeah. The good thing is that your targets no bigger if you’re bigger. So that’s the, that’s the upside. Yeah.
Right, right. So what’s going on with you? I had a grand old time down in Terra hot. Yeah. I just had to rub it in because so many times I’m like, hey, why don’t we meet up? Oh, that would be a good idea. And then you just go, and then you don’t tell me about it. Oh, one time. I did it one time to be an asshole, and I did it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was a dick move. I’ll be honest. It was a complete dick move. But I’d go back. That was down in Quincy. I’d go back. Yeah, there you go. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. You know, we always say we don’t always really do secondhand stories. We don’t. Try not to, yeah. We try not to because
Cause it’s really hard to convey. And I don’t know, maybe this one won’t even work. I don’t know, but I’ll try it. I’m going to plug this in. That’s what happened. So, uh, so that’s how you got married. I’m going to play. I was like, well, let’s try it. We’ll just see what happens. And, uh, my oldest son, uh, he has like a business trip, an annual business trip. He goes on and, uh, I’ve been his plus one a couple of times. Yeah, I’m sure he’s thrilled. Throughout the years. I think I did a story last year where I let a bunch of kids into the hospitality room and stuff. Eat all the free food. I don’t know if you remember that or not. Yeah, yeah. So he invited my other son. They’re pretty close in age. And he goes, why don’t you come with me? It’s almost a whole week long. You’ll be the plus one. Oh, you got booted.
got booted for younger blood. I got well no i just i got a, I got a trip coming up. I have to kind of knuckle down for, so i had to kind of skip that one, but you’re like, son, I’m not paying for everything this year. He’s like, okay, I’ll go my brother no that’s okay. So, uh, they got up there and, uh, where they were going to stay was not actually at where the, like the convention was going to be. Ah, okay. All right, so they’re like, well… Now you can’t just walk downstairs and go to the stuff. Right, you got to take a crap. Like, you got to get back in your car and drive back to the hotel and take your crap and come back. I’m sure they have public bathrooms, but yes. Well, I know, but you’re weird about public bathrooms. You’re all like, no. Oh, yeah, I would totally drive back to my hotel, yes. Yes, because you would not embarrass yourself. Like, no, I won’t. And so…
uh, well, the, uh, so anyway, my youngest or my oldest son’s like, well, drop me off. Cause meeting’s going to start at noon. He goes, you know, to my youngest son, he goes, I don’t know if you’d be able to check in or not. Cause it’s new time. You don’t typically get to check in too early to a hotel. Right. Yeah. I always say, yeah, it depends. So by luck they say, yeah, okay, we’ll do it. You get it. Okay. And he gets in there and, uh, He looks around, he goes, oh my God, he goes on the wall next to the bed. There’s like clearly a footprint on the wall. Okay. As if someone was maybe trying to get leverage or something, you know, like something to happen. There was like, clearly I’ve got a picture of this. I’m like, and, uh,
You’ve got a picture of it? Yeah. Okay. And then he starts looking around. He goes, I’m not sure this is a cum stain or anything below it. Oh, great. Okay. Yeah. And so the conference ends up, and they get back together again, and they’re laughing, and they call up lower management. They’re like, oh, we’re sorry. We’re sorry. You know, we’ll call them up about the footprint. Yeah. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah. And they came down and like, you know, some people came down and looked at like, oh my goodness. Ooh, you know, like, you know, but what’s that? What’s that? He said, let me look at your shoe. Now this is a bare foot. This is a bare foot. Yeah. Yeah. This is a human shoe.
Yeah, right by the thermostat. Yeah, right next to the thermostat. Someone’s got a footprint. Where’s the bed at in relation to this footprint? I don’t know. I don’t have a full picture of the whole place, the layout. The beds in hotels are not against the wall, so. I don’t know. I don’t know. I wasn’t there. I’m not judging. I’m just saying it was a little weird. And they’re like. Toes down. I think it’s toes up actually. So I don’t know. Really? I don’t, I will have you look at, I’ll have you look at it. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Send it over. And, um, anyway, so, uh, the, the people who are there, like you should really talk to the big manager of this hotel and you should really complain to him. You know, the people at the conference were telling him that, or no, the people actually worked at the hotel. This is really gross. Christ’s sake. Jeez.
You know, so I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it’s the last day. And, uh, you know, that’s the weird thing. Yeah. So they, uh, meet up with this guy and, uh, Todd, we’ll call him Todd. And, uh, Todd, the general managers, they, yeah. What do you guys want? Hey, what’s wrong? And they’re telling them like, well, there’s like a footprint and maybe Andrew dice clay. Hey, Hey, what do you want? Hey, Yeah. Well, I was weird. I was, he’s like, well, tell me what happened again. Well, I heard about this. What is it? What is it? You know? And they’re telling me, he’s like, oh, oh, okay. Well, you guys kind of waited a long time to report this. Oh, he’s giving them the runaround. Yeah. He’s yeah. He’s going to like turn it against them now. Like, oh, well, that’s kind of suspicious. It’s not your foot. Yeah. It’s a little sketch guys. You know, kind of. Yeah. I mean, I don’t know. I just saw like a real, you know, skeeve, you know,
You know, just like totally beat a jackass, you know, like, well, sure. You know what I mean? Was it there? Was it really there? Or was it, you know, it’s all goes bullshit. And he’s like, finally, you know, after a short time, he relents like, well, I’ll get, I’ll knock off 10%. Oh, please. 10%. What’s that worth? I’ll knock off 10% off the bill. All right. I’m a nice guy. I’ll knock off. I would say, give me a free night. Stay the next time. Not here, but at any of your chain, you know, places. Yeah. No, my, my, my oldest son, he’s too nice of a guy. He’s like, well, I was going to ask for a lot more, but I guess that’s okay. You know, is that, you know, we get what you get, you know, what else do you want? My son’s like, give me a, my son’s like, give me a free iced tea.
Oh, he’s got a little bit of his old man in him. That’s what I was proud of. Cause he didn’t quite give up. You know, he kind of gave up a little bit, but he’s like, give me the iced tea. I want, I like your iced tea here. Give me a free iced tea. He goes, ah, iced tea. Are you kidding me? What the? All right. All right. Right. You got me. You got me. You got me. I really always got to bump it. Always got to bump it. Guys. Totally. Seemed like a total jackass. Yeah. I felt so bad for these kids. They had to sleep in this big DNA Petri dish room. And, uh, well, don’t you realize that’s every time you go to a hotel? I mean, I know. And I’m all wigged out. Cause like, I’m going to be going like on vacation, you know, at some point. And I’m like, Oh no, I’m going to be sleeping in some dudes, you know, you can’t think about it. You just have to, you know, go to your happy place. I think I’m going to bring my own sleeping blanket, you know, that my hunting and fishing, uh,
Yeah, why don’t you bring some Hershey Kisses and a heating pad while you’re at it? Well, that was a difference. That was a completely different thing. Okay, I kind of made the mess in that room. Yeah. Laid on chocolate with a heating pad on. Yeah, that was bad. Maybe instead of taking the heating pad, just don’t eat so often. Yeah. If I only would have starved myself. Yeah, I should have just starved myself for 12 hours. Yeah, you starve yourself for 12 hours. You won’t have that back pain. Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s probably a better play than melting chocolate all over the fucking bed sheets. Okay, shit myself. Yeah, well, that’s, you know, you say it was melted chocolate. Well, you can go there and smell it. It wasn’t dookie. Yeah.
How do we know you don’t eat so much goddamn chocolate that your dookie smells like chocolate? I don’t know. Just saying. Just saying. So do you really think that a footprint on the wall is worth even 10%? That’s a little sketch. I mean, I’ve seen some weird stuff in rooms, but that’s a little bit weird, man. So what would pubic hairs be worth? Oh, God. Let’s make a scale of what’s worth what in your hotel room. Oh, God. I don’t know. Speaking of secondhand hotel stories, I know a guy who found a giant dildo in his bed. That wasn’t his. Was it Michael? No, no. I’ll tell you off the recording who it was. Hey, Bob. Hey, Bob. You know that one time I laid down from a giant dildo in my bed? Hey, Bob. Bob. Hey, Bob. It was somebody who would not make this up. Oh. That I know. Well, that I knew, I suppose. I think that he’s passed away, but
that I knew. Uh, and yeah, he had a great story and he even called down and had somebody come and get it. No, I quit. I quit. I’m not doing it. I’m not doing it. I quit. It was, it was rolled down in the tuck, right? So it was all the way down at the bottom of the bed and he’s, he’s, he touched her with his foot. Oh, And he’s like, what’s that? And so he rips the covers off. He needs to call down and say, guess what? I got a giant dildo in my bed. I feel a little lonely. I feel a little lonely. I gave him a new room. Oh, my God. It was hilarious. And a bigger dildo. That’s right. Well, these are all mounted, sir.
We’re not going to charge you any extra for the dildo. Yeah. No extra for that. You got the honeymoon suite. That’s I mean, other than, you know, that’s weird. That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard. Well, that trumps my story. Yeah. That completely trumps my story. I’m not trying to trump your story. I’m just saying it’s a, if you had to rank things, you know, don’t you think that’s a free night? I mean, I don’t know the footprint 10%. He, maybe he was in the ballpark. I’m not sure. what do you think